Archive for January, 2011

Man-Beast Loose in Mass

January 15, 2011

Apparently there is a hairy, out of control cro-magnon man living and shitting in my neck of the woods. Closer to where my bodyguard Dave lives, to be fair, but it is still disconcerting to know that there is but a short car ride between myself and a wildly defecating primitive man-beast rampaging through the forest with a goddamned seven pound club knocking three times on trees and then disappearing.

As reported by the BFRO.

The witness submitted two photographs of the large fecal pile that he found on the trail the following day. The largest fecal piece was tubular, smooth from end to end and approximately 8 inches in length. The interior of the feces revealed numerous thin white hairs scattered throughout.

I mean, that’s some scary shit right there.


Conversing With Gonz

January 11, 2011

burn motherfucker

Random chats may or may not include the following statements and/or questions.

Dirty fucking rotter
You dirty fucker.

i think i saw a retarded monkey kicking the shit out of a guy on the other corner when I walked the dog.
an actual monkey, like a small chimpanzee I think.

well, it was outside this shady bar. the guy had a beard and i think when he was showing the monkey to some of his pals and this chick the thing went fuckin’ spastic and started hitting the guy and fucking got his beer bottle out of his hand and almost brained him with it
a total free for all. just wacked the girl was screaming.

well, the people were fine it was the monkey
that fucker went apeshit

Always make my knees pointy.

…on a good day he’ll say, “at least they never connected me to that dead hooker in Houston…”

Excuse Me Whilst I Drool

January 10, 2011

Having spent an hour or so pouring over HBO’s site for Game of Thrones, a seemingly faithful and gorgeous looking adaptation of George R.R. Martin’s fantasy series, A Song of Ice and Fire, I can safely say I’m sporting wood and it’s not just because of the chick playing Daenerys Targaryen.

It just looks like they’ve done things properly. Meaning, paid full heed to the source material. If we’ve learned any lesson from the past decade or so of film adaptations, it’s to stay true to your source when you bring a comic or a novel to the screen. Heed the author’s intentions. The atmosphere created within the work. The words themselves whenever possible. It was a success as a novel for a reason. Thus, to do it correctly, stay true to the original.

Looks, so far, like HBO is going that route and I couldn’t be happier or more eager to see more.

True Grit

January 3, 2011

true grit coen brothers

The Coens are masters.

Who else could take such a beloved film as True Grit, remake it and turn it into a sublime masterpiece? Sure, they’ll say they based it on the novel and not the John Wayne classic but it’s no easy task making a film that would surely engender obvious comparisons. Kudos to the Brothers Coen and Jeff Bridges who tops the old Duke with his own performance as the salty Rooster Cogburn. Amazing work.

A near-perfect movie and one I highly, heartily recommend. This, from a real fan of the Wayne version, too.