Big Box o’ Fun

by

Or “How To Recognize A Good Friend From 1000 Miles Away”.

No. 1

The Larch.

So a giant box of goodies arrived on my doorstep this morning. Priority Mail. I knew it had to be something important. It was.

big box of fun

This Is What We, In The Business, Call The Motherload

The box contents were as follows:

  • 5 Boxes of Franken Berry Cereal
  • 1 Box of Boo Berry Cereal
  • 1 Box of Count Chocula Cereal
  • 1 Copy of Idiot America by Charles P. Pierce
  • 10 Different Assorted Doctor Who Illustrated Books (including vintage comics, guide books and the pull-out/pop-out Space Travels hardcover)
  • 1 Mars Attacks Ray Gun
  • 1 Rubber Lobster
  • 1 Sponge Eyeball (not pictured, already lost in the house somewhere)
  • The following note was included.

    Gertie,

    Here are those enemas you ordered last week. Pluse, here are a few knick knacks for those German Krautbrats.

    Sincerely,

    Louis Double-Entendre

    Admit it. You’re jealous. There’s no one in your life of the sort of quality, spontaneous loony like the gentleman who sent me this. Think about it. Here’s a man who took the time to track down seven pounds of hard to find sugary goodness to pack up and send one third of the way across the country to someone he knows will, very likely, appreciate it more than any other human on the planet. Here’s a man who has given up some quality, meaningful items that he surely valued in his own collection in order to put a smile on another person’s face. Here’s a man who knows the value of a rubber crustacean.

    I’m going to eat so much Franken Berry later on tonight you can start taking bets right now on what color tomorrow’s poop is going to be. Right now I’m thinking Fuscia would be the odds on favorite. I may peruse the Voyager Graphic Novel while I eat. I may have my new friend Crusty by my side. Though, he’s not getting any Boo Berry. That shit is fuckin’ gold.

    Delight was not the word when I opened up this package today. Nor was “proboscis”. But that’s irrelevant. What is relevant is that this wondrous wacko brightened the day of a pal who woke up this morning thinking it was just another dreary Saturday of toiling away in the soul grinder and who, surprisingly, discovered otherwise.

    Thanks to a real friend. A brother, if you will. A comrade-in-arms in this relentless battle we find ourselves in every day of our lives called existence. It’s this sort of thing that reminds me I’m not in it alone.

    So Thanks, Friend.

    And you just wait and see what’s coming back in return.

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    2 Responses to “Big Box o’ Fun”

    1. Gonz Says:

      What a good friend. I’m jealous, personally. I only have you to put up with.

    2. Horatio VonDarkfaulker Says:

      Given my penchant for supernatural augury and divination, I see that your poo will be mostly green with smatterings of grey and just the most charming hint of magenta.

      your lucky numbers are: 42 03 19 27 11

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