Oscars: Null and Void


I admit, I don’t often pay much attention to The Academy Awards, anyway, but this year, as they have failed to recognize The Dark Knight as one of the best films of the year, and Christopher Nolan as one of the best directors, they have finally and officially invalidated themselves as a legitimate institution. At last, any nagging desire to tune into the broadcast, even to tie up some loose ends in various Celebrity Death Pools I’m in, will be completely dead and buried. I’m not even going to watch to see if Wolverine might go into berserker mode while hosting and do a snikt! on Frank Langella’s ass.

I don’t even care who else was nominated, folks. I don’t want to hear it. Benjamin Buttplug? Shove it up there sideways. Scumbag Millionaire? It’s the feel good fucktard of the year. Do I really want to see Kate Winslet soil herself on national television? Maybe but it’s still not worth giving even five minutes of my time to this farce.

Let’s be honest, the Oscars have been irrelevant for a long, long time, ignoring any film outside a genre or subject matter they consider acceptable, failing to recognize anything that might seem remotely dangerous or politically incorrect, focusing on dreary costume epics and feel good films and the odd indie with just the right amound of industry buzz.

Now, by failing to properly reward the most effective and stunning pieces of filmmaking the art has seen in decades, they have officially made the entire proceedings pointless, boring and lacking even the smallest shred of credibility.

Join me, if you will, in failing utterly, from this point on, to pay attention to anything associated with the event, it’s results or the broadcast thereof. And if anyone wants to disagree with your stance or gets annoyed with your miltant disgust, just give them your best crooked, maniacal stare and ask them one question.

“Why so serious?”


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3 Responses to “Oscars: Null and Void”

  1. Gonz O'Lager Says:

    Oscars? We don’t need no frikkin’ Oscars. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences are a bunch of namby pamby fruit loops that wouldn’t know and award-worthy performance if it came up and replaced the formaldehyde in their veins with Jolt! Cola. Let’em have their little swanky awards show and their little swanky post-show parties and their little swanky anorexic starlets purging shrimp paella in their purses until the wee hours.

    And yes, I’m still bitter that they snubbed Divine for her role in “Pink Flamingos”.

  2. Emily Says:

    Look on the bright side. Sean Penn is nominated this year. The possibility alone of him showing up and acting like an overly-earnest douchebag is amusing to think about.

  3. Ken Socrates Says:

    I once paid a member of the paparazzi to go after Penn with a cattle prod. Those pictures were fuckin’ fabulous, I’ll tell you.

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