The High-Stick Chick


Sports has always been an important element of the Ken Socrates World News Organization. A lot of so called serious media outlets spend little or no time on the subject apart from the most blatant references to those athletic stories that have crossover appeal in the “human interest” arena. I’m sorry, but Brian Williams introducing yet another fluff piece about Michael Phelps’ diet is to sports journalism what Mary Hart asking Barack Obama for his Oscar predictions is to the political beat. The same could be said for the watery offerings we get from what are perceived as respectable sources like Sports Illustrated, HBO Sports or even ESPN. Often it’s just more sensationalist, sychophantic, tabloid reporting that panders to the uninformed viewer/reader and glorifies the diva-like nature of professional atheletes.

In other words, fresh, steaming crap.

Here at the KSNWO we like things a little bit harder. Thankfully, we have a woman on staff who does, too. Her name is Chippy McGuinness and she recently claimed the spot of Editor and Head Writer of our Sports Department. Honestly, there were other candidates, but Chippy simply was not to be denied. I still recall how, during our initial interview for the position, she grabbed me by the lapels, dragged me to an open window and dangled me out, four stories above the pavement, until I took back what I said about Bobby Clarke being a cheap shot artist. But that’s how it works around here. You want a spot on the team, you better be prepared to drop the gloves in the preseason a couple times and show us you mean business.

So, yeah, Chippy is indeed a Flyer’s “fan”. I use parentheses because that term, though derived from the word “fanatic”, doesn’t do adequate justice to the level if devotion she has for the team. Simple “fans” don’t attempt to attach car bombs to Eric Lindros’ BMW when he demands a trade out of town. They don’t spend four months wandering hopelessly through Amsterdam after the team makes an early exit from the Stanley Cup Playoffs. And though it may color her perceptions to some degree, it does nothing to impinge upon her resume and unquestionable expertise when it comes to all things puck. Chippy knows the NHL like Roger Clemens knows hypodermic needle etiquette and brings the sort of fearlessness to her work that Rick Tocchet brought to the right wing position. So it’s a good bet that her stuff will always be hard-hitting, tough and edgy.

What a shock that an old school Boston Bruins fan would want someone like that around, eh?

So here’s the latest from the Sassy Lass Behind The Glass, an editorial on the hottest topic in the NHL right now, entitled Sean Avery – Victim. As you’d expect, her take on the most recent exploits of The Mouth That Roared are almost as controversial as Mr. Avery’s own perspective on the subject of carnal knowledge in the modern NHL.

Enjoy it as we did but remember, with Chippy’s stuff, as always, you have to keep your head up when you’re crossing the blue line. Or you will end up like Eric Lindros, getting coloring books for Christmas for the rest of your life and loving it.

More on our Chippy right here.


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6 Responses to “The High-Stick Chick”

  1. Chippy McGuinness Says:

    Can you believe that I am still having legal trouble over that harmless bomb threat I made last year when the Flyers picked up that squirt frog Daniel Briere from Buffalo? Some people really need to lighten up and learn how to take a joke.

    Death threats aside, I think it’s a glorious testimony to the tolerance of our age that two people can disagree on the subject of Bobby Clarke and still work side-by-side. It was big of you to admit how wrong you were.

  2. Ozzy McGurt Says:

    You know, I was always one of the opinion that the world of sports had no room for women, with the exception of maybe Roller Derby, but Li’l Miss Chippy has done a lot to change my mind. For her to reduce you, Ken, to the blubbering mass of poo that called me after her interview shows a definite spark of testosterone. It makes me wonder……..Chippy, does the name “Trinidad” mean anything to you? Ah, nevermind. It doesn’t really matter.

    I commend you for some fine sports writing. I also commend you for having the guts to take over my old office. Did they ever get that smell out of the coat closet?

  3. Ken Socrates Says:

    Well, I actually told the maintenance staff to just board that closet up but I think they went against my advice and tried to clean the thing out. I think it was three months later, when they were finally ripping out the walls and they found that dead MLS guy you stuffed behind the drywall, that the mystery was solved. I’m not questioning that you had to kill a guy, OZ, especially a soccer player, but what ever happened to digging a hole in the woods? Lot of remote places in New Hampshire and Maine, buddy. Trust me on that.

    And Chippy: It’s big of you to make it seem like I had a choice.

  4. Chippy McGuinness Says:

    Just because you had to concede how right I was upside down, doesn’t mean you didn’t have a choice, Ken. You could have allowed me to let go. There was always the 2% chance that the fall wouldn’t have killed you.

    And dear Oz, I swear, I thought the smell was coming from Ken. Next time we meet up, I’ll give you some tips on hiding the bodies and passing police interviews without raising suspicion.

  5. Ozzy McGurt Says:

    Chippy, I appreciate the offer, but to be honest that was not the intended final resting place for the pencil-necked little gimp. I just kinda forgot about him until I found out that my old office had been re-occupied. I get busy with stuff and my “to do” list just kinda gets set off to the side. Sorry about that.

  6. Ken Socrates Says:

    You’re both lucky that my maintenance crew is 100% illegal aliens who’ll take what they saw to their grave rather than testify. Not that I didn’t have to grease the wheels a bit to calm them all down after the shock of it all but you’d be surprised how far fifty bucks will go in some countries.

    Canadian bucks, of course. I’m not stupid.

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