You Bastards


Which one of you put the turkey carcass in my bed last night? Y’know, I like a good practical joke as much as the next guy, especially when I’m the one pulling it, but that was just flat out lame. I mean, we’ve all done our own version of the Godfather horse head under the covers gag (my personal favorite, the time me and Joey Santiago from the Pixies stole the head of that T-Rex from the Boston Museum of Science and left it in Frank Black’s water bed) but just slipping some turkey bones in between the sheets is a bit weak.

Who was it? Gorman? Ozzy? Crispin Glover popped in for pie so my money’s on that sonofabitch. You’re better than that, Crispy. Don’t tell me you’re getting old and losing your touch.

That said, whoever it was that somehow managed to fill my toothpaste tube with gravy…? That was pretty good, I have to admit. That took the kind of warped, bloody minded determination I can appreciate.

Just remember though, boys.

Payback’s a bitch.


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4 Responses to “You Bastards”

  1. Joe Hawaii & Gaylord "Ra" Fondue Says:

    Good, good. You haven’t found what we did yet.

  2. Ken Socrates Says:

    Knowing the odd fascination you both seem to have with gelatinous substances, I’d bet it has something to do with that cranberry sauce. Seriously, it was nice of you two to stop by for the holiday this year. Even nicer now that you’ve left. I forgot just how many cold turkey sandwiches your average writing duo can eat per day.

    Y’know, people are always asking me, “Do those two do everything together?”

    So what’s the story, guys? Do you have a vanity with two sinks in your master bath, or what?

  3. Joe Hawaii & Gaylord "Ra" Fondue Says:

    It has to do with the work release program.

  4. Gonz O'Lager Says:

    So how much “work” does it take for one of you to “release”?

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